The rest of the team….

8 Apr

RUDE AWAKENING: She’s in charge of the clean-up crew — the crew that cleans up the mess made by the boss.  When she gets started, it’s a good idea to stay out of the way. In fact, stay out of her shouting distance because she also has the loudest voice in the office — and beware, she’s not afraid to use it. Even at 4 in the morning she can maintain a high-decibel pitch as she struggles to haul the magazine’s pages past the finish line on those long, long production nights. Her team doesn’t really resent that — her voice is the only thing that keeps them awake as they wait for the triumvirate to finish messing with the pages. Then the real work begins. Detail-oriented and fair-minded, she sticks up for her team and frequently spars verbally with the Black Prince.

Designation: Chief Copy Editor

 

NOT BY DESIGN: He’s is head of the design team at Bull. Has learned to cope with late work night stress by making sometimes brutal but always spot-on sardonic comments while dealing with the antics of the triumvirate, who, between them, are incapable of distinguishing between Prussian blue and Persian blue. Generally fearless, he can look the boss straight in the eye and tell her that she’s not wearing any clothes … in a metaphorical sense. Like the little boy in the children’s tale entitled’ The Emperor’s new clothes?” he tells the truth as he sees it. Sadly, the boss doesn’t understand metaphors. By all accounts (his, mostly), she doesn’t understand good magazine design either. Claims he joined the company by accident, swears it was an email mistake. An application meant for Vogue took a wrong turn on the internet superhighway and reached the Bull editor’s inbox. Has vowed never to use email for job applications again.

Designation: Head of Design

 

CONSPIRACY KING: He’s the snitch in the pack. Likes to think of himself as a communications expert. Favorite hobby: eavesdropping.  Standout behavioral trait: tags his own conspiracy theory to anything he hears. When it comes to office gossip, he has his hands all over the grapevine although, to be honest, he’d prefer getting his hands all over anything in a skirt. Like fire, he has his uses but can be dangerous if not handled correctly. Not exactly a conscientious worker, but then, if you have so much juice to squeeze from the local gossip vine, where’s the time for writing?

Designation: Senior correspondent

 

HAPLESS IN HADES: These are the newbies. Their first job and what do they get? The deep, dark and sinister underworld of planet journalism. Like the Greek underworld Hades, it’s a place that reeks of death and destruction. Only in this case, of reporting dreams. Bullied by pretty much everyone around, they’re expected to follow orders, but rarely given any direction. They have personalities but no one really cares. They exist only to do their team leader’s bidding: they might as well be assigned serial numbers. They endure extraordinarily long work nights, a complete lack of weekends and social life, as well as never-ending queries on submitted stories, all in the name of “work experience.” All they want is out. Will someone ever hear their silent cries?

Designation: Reporter

 

HOTPANTS: Every office has a hottie. Thank goodness for that! With her plunging necklines, short skirts and tight T-shirts, she provides welcome and instant relief to the normally weary and eye-strained staff.  Not particularly brainy, she is, nevertheless, quite friendly — and flexible. A yoga devotee, she always manages to highlight her body’s dexterity to incredible advantage. Strictly speaking, she’s not part of the editorial team. She’s the office receptionist. Her genial, sympathetic nature attracts people to confide in her. She could probably make a fortune by blackmailing the co-workers who spilled their darkest secrets –and a lot more — to her, but all she dreams about is spending her life on a remote, white sandy beach, sipping chamomile tea and doing energetic yoga workouts with her unbelievably fit instructor. In her case, it’s not about money, honey.

Designation: Receptionist

 

Well, there you have it….my entire drama troupe… Watch out for the first story they will be presenting in a few days…. I promise you, it will be a story unlike any you’ve heard before. Find out how chaos reigns supreme as Bull’s not-so-enthusiastic team get started on the magazine’s debut issue.

Bye for now!

Introducing my new drama series…..

6 Apr

Hello everyone!

Let me introduce myself. I’m the new drama queen in town.

My aim is to entertain you with rollicking theater with the support of an extremely able cast. Together, we’ll take you through the life and times of the reporters and editors who work for a fictitious media organization that brings out a magazine every fortnight. Am I drawing from my own experiences? You bet! But I’m sure there are similar characters in every media outfit in town. Because for all their declared desires to always find ‘a new story’, I’ve found that media offices and the people who inhabit them are entirely predictable.

Without further ado, meet my cast:

THE BOSS: a.k.a the bat from hell. Claims to know her job really well but really, we all know better. In her 40s, she’s supposed to be a rising star in the media business but oh, how her staff wishes that she were a shooting star — here now, gone tomorrow. Has a family of her own to harass but prefers to spend time repeatedly annoying the members of her hapless ‘second family’ — the work team. Spends all day and all night at the office, has zero social life.  Adores U.S. President Obama and uses a slightly modified version of his catchphrase “it’s time for a change”. With her, it’s more like “it’s time for a restructuring,” which happens every six months or so. Holds weekly meetings but doesn’t care for her staff’s opinions. Would secretly prefer to hire reporting androids but has to wait for the technology to catch up. Enjoys holding up stories until the very last minute on production nights and pretends that any time-management f**k-ups as a result are desirable because she’s paying “attention to detail.” While utterly incapable of thinking a single original thought, she’s extremely capable of grinding to dust any original idea the rest of the staff might come up with. Desperately needs an updated thesaurus because someone’s torn out the pages containing the meanings of the words “team,” “delegation” and “systems” from the one she owns.

Designation: Editor

THE SYCOPHANT: a.k.a ‘the boss is never wrong’. He’s the typical follower of the boss, hangs on to every word. Bears a striking resemblance to the statue of justice – you know, the blindfolded lady holding scales and a blindfold around her eyes? Only in his case, both sides of the scales hold the same argument — the boss’s. Believed to be a medical marvel because he has no spine to stand up for his views or anyone else’s. But then, I exaggerate: he has no views of his own. Pretends he sees no evil, hears no evil but, boy, can he do evil when required.  Effortlessly manages to shake blame for irresponsibility and bad management the way a duck shakes water off its back. Never gives credit to anyone for good work done, but is always quick to palm off blame when asked to explain something gone wrong (and something ALWAYS goes wrong) by the boss. He thinks he’s smart, but his team is smarter.

Designation: Deputy Editor

THE BLACK PRINCE: Oh, how the staff wishes the lights in the office would go out when he walks in.  Every office has one person who makes you question in the existence of God and the belief that good always prevails over evil. This is that person. In fact, this guy thinks he IS God. He probably is….God of the World of No Logic, that is. No people skills, no analytical skills, no writing skills, no skills at all, in fact, except that he knows how to play the part of diabolical villain perfectly. A thug in journalist attire, he cannot tolerate even the mildest dissent. Blink your eyes at the wrong time and he’ll accuse you of plagiarism and fire you. Dreams of having his own fiefdom of androids one day. Like to think of himself as a lone wolf; however, some of the staff suspect he’s a werewolf because he ALWAYS leaves early on full moon nights. Sartorially, doesn’t like to wear shoes, prefers to move ahead by stepping on other people’s toes.  Approach his lair and you might even hear the low, harrowing cries of the tortured souls around him. His success at the workplace can be entirely credited to the fact that his dark, killer looks appeal to management. A totally nasty piece of work.

Designation: Associate Editor

Together, the three of them form an unholy triumvirate who are determined to give their co-workers the work experience of a lifetime. The rest of the team, meanwhile, spend all their time trying to rectify the mistakes of this trio, while trying to keep their jobs and preventing the magazine from running into the ground at the same time.

This terrible triad is in charge of a magazine called “Bull,” covering stories on personal finance. In financial markets, a bull indicates optimism and growth.

As the drama unfolds, you’ll find that the magazine’s name turns out to be perfect in more ways than one….

The next post will introduce the rest of the team.

See you there!